Seating in my small flat with the computer on my lap wondering what to write. All the ideas were very clear at the beginning. I was very excited, lots of thoughts and experiences to share.
So how is it that I am now stuck?
Beginnings are always difficult; finding the right path to follow, it is the hardest thing. I should know.
I am starting this blog with the aim of sharing my life experiences so far and the ones that I will gain as we go, my passions, my thoughts, opinions and general information with the hope that this will come useful to you at some point.
Born in a small town in Northwest Spain I have an undying passion for my country, my people, the many and diverse cultures and languages, the food, the wine .. you name it. My husband constantly tells me that I go on in life saying how "the food it's best in Spain, in Spain we have this, in Spain we have that , we do this and the other". Everything is best in Spain. Perhaps I couldn't have chosen a better timing to say that of course this is not entirely truth but, Spain is home, and there is no better place than home. It's a bit like having a child. Regardless of how ugly or stupid he or she might be, on mummy's eyes he/she is just perfect.
It was not always like that though, and it wasn't the country, my town, friends, family or anything specific really. It was me. I needed to go on and see things with my own eyes. I had this voice inside of me that was saying:
- "Hurry up there's no time to loose; you are not getting any younger, you are already 13, before you know it you will be 20, and by then the biggest decisions of your life such as career, studies, work etc .. must have already been taken. Then with a blink of an eye you turn 30 and according to current society that is it: If you haven't done it, it's too late. You can't say "oops I spend 12 years studying to become a doctor but I just don't see it working for me anymore so I am going to go on and do something else". You are old, it pays the bills, stick to what you know!!.
If you turn 40, unmarried, childless, perhaps even jobless and still confused in life it's Game Over, move to the looser team!! - It will soon be time for you to retired and you haven't even started to do anything with your life!!!! - I can picture in my head so many grandmas saying this and it just seem so wrong to me.
Then death it's just around the corner and it's only Heaven left after that. I just wasn't so sure about the After Life so I was trying to get things sorted for the life that I had with no doubts on that particular moment and decisions needed to be made, questions needed to be answer but I just didn't know.
Adults will ask you - What would you like to be when you grow up? They ask in school, at home, on the streets ... constantly the same question, again and again there is so much pressure on having this answers ready and I just didn't know. I liked many things and i showed interest for many things I just couldn't commit myself to only one thing that I will do for the rest of my life. It seem so final, so boring. What about if I choose wrong?
After a period of "messiness" and "cloudiness" confused about this whole "Life & Decision making situation" I ventured, without knowing at the time, on the beginning of a lifetime of travelling which it has brought me to Australia, where I met my husband and where almost a year ago I gave birth to my first and only son, Ulises.
We live a "On the edge" life style far away from perfect. More so that I would like. With it's ups and downs, lot's of them. Still trying to figure out even more things than when I was 13 years old. With a lot of fears (now that I am a mum I worry about everything!) and some regrets about things that given the choice i wouldn't do again and also things i'm not proud of. But it's all me, the good and the bad and i'm just thankful for the opportunity to do it all, to make those millions of mistakes and also those right choices, thankful to have been able to lived those experiences, to see Man Kind in it's many forms, to be part of this World and this Time.
Those regular and simple things of a normal day that, when you travel and you are in a new place surrounded by strangers seems so different, it opens up your eyes to this new dimesion, it makes you wiser, it helps you get closer and perhaps answer some questions or even arise some more! Travelling made me be more thankful for what i already had and made me value what I was going to gain. Those things that were always there, right in front of your face but you just had to travel 20 thousand kilometres away to be able to see them, to understand them better.
It's funny how the furthest away from family and friends the closer it brings you. Just like the saying "You don't know what you have until you loose it". Sometimes some of us we just don't know exaclty who we are, we just don't have those basic answers and we need to loose ourselves in order to then be found.
I am still on this journey. Still travelling. Loving some things and hating others.
Of course I don't do as much travelling as I would like to due money, time, obligations, responsibilities, bills, debts, mortgages, etc ... All that big pile that could be label the Anti-Freedom. And that just upsets me. I have seen, been and done quite a bit and perhaps that should be sufficient and perhaps you will think that i should just get on with it, settle into the job-house-family standard life that offers all comfort and safety net. While i respect that and the people that choose to go on that path, it's just not for me. The same voice inside of me tells me i have to rebel to that. I want to explore, i am curious of what else it's out there. So i refuse to let all those so call commodities created by the consumer and capitalism world we live in, to restrict my freedom, to stop me for seeing new places, meeting new people and most importantly to continue on the journey of meeting me.
We are constantly buying objects we don't need, things that just buries us more into debt. On top of the cost, they become an inconvenient and a burden to our freedom. Let's just mention as an example those thousands of dollars I spend on that beautiful furniture to go with my overpriced apartment that i couldn't afford and could't maintain but that i really wanted. In a matter of months I was not only into more debt due to that purchase but homeless and with the problem of what to do with all that staff. You need more money to move it, more money to store it, the time and energy that I didn't have because I was all depressed by the situation ... Pointless. I didn't needed any of that to start with!.
If your busy life style is attached to debt, credit cards, bills and others, then for whatever reason you loose all those material things or can't keep up with the payments, takes a while but after the pain and embarrassment and the period were you feel like a total failure and you just want to keep your head on the toilet bowl for as long as possible; then comes some sort of relief and suddenly you realise that all those things were a big weight on you, and you just couldn't breath and now you can stand up tall and feel so light, you feel you can dance, you can almost flight. And you start seeing your life on very different way. Maybe it's time to move, start fresh, to start again.
The feeling of being in a new place: Priceless.
A beer in a Medieval European city, seating outside on a terrace with cobblestone floor surrounded by history. Walking a long the many flea markets in the highly populated Asian cities looking at something that resembles food. Swimming and diving in the pristine waters of the Pacific Islands amazed by its beauty. The delicious and healthy mediterranean food with a glass, or a few bottles of wine in my case, the modern architecture in US cities, the magnificence of the dessert of the Middle East, the ancient cultures and the legacy left by them, the meaning of symbols that regardless time, distance and difference are understood world wide.
Us: The People who live on Earth for thousands of years. Me: A part of it.
Well there you have it. My first blog.
